What's In a Name
2005-05-25,

We haven't yet made official the name for our forthcoming little peanut. We'd wanted to wait until we got the photo and info before we made a final decision. Now it's time to make the decision. Part of what we wanted to consider is whether to include at least a little of the name with which she'll be coming to us, which is Lu Tong. They have meanings as follows:

Lu -

road, path, street; journey

Tong -

child, boy, servant boy; virgin

When looking at these definitions, one might naturally be inclined to see 'Journey Child', something that has mucho significance, especially in light of her future trip to the U.S. But-- what if the intent was 'road'? What if her institutional name was derived from the place where she was found? What if it's actually "road baby"? Do we really want to saddle her name with something like that for the rest of her life? (She was not, in fact, born in the back of a Greyhound bus down on Hwy 41, after all.) What if other kids got similar names, based on their discovery locale: Jie Tong (stairs child), Lao Tong (basket child), something like that? I was thinking about this last night, while we were discussing her potential name...

And then the awfulness of it really hit me; all these children, left in various places, forced into abandonment by society. As we get nearer to the event, all these things that we've considered - One Child policy, traveling to China, never-known birth mothers, the Actual Child - all become more and more real, more solid, more felt in the protected, innocent recesses of the heart. It makes it heard for the process to not feel bittersweet, in a way. Here we are, so focused on the end goal and being ready for it, and the whole truth of it kind of blindsides you sometimes. Not that I try and ignore the realities - not really. There's been some suspension of acknowledgement at times for the sake of sanity, but the thoughts never really leave. Nor would I want them to. I understand the sacrifice that was made, one that we will be taking some advantage of. It's hard not to feel guilty about it, too. And feel pity for the one who had to make that choice, a choice that I could never imagine having to make. I've had my own life crisis that led to this process, but it's little in comparison.

I've decided that I will - I must - put aside some small part of Mother's Day to honor the woman that we will never know, the woman who brought this light to the world, to eventually be delivered to us. She may never know, but she will be honored.

Thank you, mi niang.

-- End Transmission --