Today's the Day
2005-05-24,

We found out yesterday: referrals have just returned to the agency from China. Which mans that they're going to be making phone calls today. Today.

Today.

So far I've been petty numb, but I can feel the emotions rumbling under the surface. It's going to be hard, because the call's going to come while I'm here at work. This mans that I'm going to have to pretend my way through a workday and try to get things done. I'm already feeling nervous, but then I did have an abundance of caffeine this morning. There's a file I'm expecting from H-- I keep checking my Inbox once every ten seconds or so (there I go again -- nope). I also seem to be having trouble typing. And focusing. They finally changed the music station here from the horrid 70's channel, and landed on lite jazz, where every third song seems to be something at least pseudo-Asian, full of wooden flute sounds and such. Egad. And it was a full moon last night. Does that mean anything? I dunno.

(Still no file!)

I'm desperately trying not to spiral into a long series of what-ifs, because I know those do nothing for me other than to tighten the knot in my stomach and help me invent numerous worst-case scenarios. (Yay! Got the file! No more clicking on the Inbox!) I'm also trying hard not to think about what the child will look like, and I'm steeling myself up for the actual viewing. One picture does not a baby make. But it's going to be our baby. Long journey, red tape (excuse the pun), and then parenthood - full on, 100% parenthood. I'm scared to death. I'd probably be a ball of goo on the floor right now, if it weren't for the fact that I'm at work and can keep myself distracted.

Just got an email from H asking how I'm doing. I told her, "I feel like cr�me brul�e, only not sweet: hard shell, but gooey on the inside." That about sums it up.

I'm petty busy this morning, so you probably won't hear from m until after The Call (No, not the band-- I don't think I could even name one of their songs, yet there they are, listed in my head. So much wasted space...).

...time passes...

...and after an aggravating wait for an email that ended up being caught in the company's spam filter...

Her given name is Zhuang Lu Tong. She is six months old. She was born (either by best estimate or because they were told - we don't know yet) on 11/11/04. She is in Yifeng, in Jiangxi province.

Here she is.

She is beautiful.

More to follow. I need to go be with my family.

-- End Transmission --