A Tale of Two Johns and The Worst Year Ever (a.k.a. Loss and Gain)
2003-09-13, 1:07 a.m.

Come and knock on our door We've been waiting for you Where the kisses are hers and hers and his, Three's company too. Come and dance on on our floor Take a step that is new We've a loveable space that needs your face, Three's company too. You'll see that life is a frolic and laughter is calling for you Down at our rendez-vous, Three's company, too!

Love Is A Burning Thing And It Makes A Fiery Ring Bound By Wild Desire I Fell Into A Ring Of Fire I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire I Went Down, Down, Down And The Flames Went Higher And It Burns, Burns, Burns The Ring Of Fire The Ring Of Fire

It's a day of loss, today.

First, there's the obvious losses, Jack Tripper and the Man In Black. I grew up watching, among a vast number of other things, Three's Company, and I believe it was formative in my pessimistic view of predictable television show plots (ex. the inevitable cross-dressing episode). And as for Mr. Cash, I've only been distantly familliar with his work, but after hearing his redition of NIN's "Hurt", he went way up on my coolness scale.

Today, I got a manifest back from one of the delivery drivers, and on it was the signature of someone I used to work with at my last place of employment, reminding me yet again of my loss of employment status.

This evening on my way home, As It Happens was talking to a scientist on the pros and cons of in vitro fertilization, reminding me of my loss pertaining to my fertility status, my loss of hope of having a biological child of my own.

I'd have to say that, looking back, the year from 5/02 to 5/03 has been one of the worst years in my life. If ever there was a time period to test my marriage, that was it, and we came out as strong as we ever were. And thank the gods for that. Ofttimes, H will ask me if I'm real, whether she'd made me up for her amusement. I sometimes wonder about that myself. I think that a major part of me came alive when I met her, a part that lay dormant and mis/unused. It's as if a bell went off and suddenly I became who I am today. And I am so much better for it. Before H, I was lost, adrift, faking my way through existence for the most part. I had a sense of self, but no sense of self-worth or direction. Then I found H, and I knew where I needed to be, what I needed to be. Everything came into focus. It was as if everything I'd experienced in life was preparation for that one fateful day on New Year's Day, 1998. Midnight struck and I was changed forever.

So in a way, I think I was created on the day we met, reborn into myself, into half an 'us' and a more whole 'me'. I am still far from complete, I assure you. But you knew that.

-- End Transmission --