Redecorating The Cave
2007-01-26, 16:03

If there's one serious drawback to working basically by yourself, it's a loss of perspective (well, two: loss of gumption - but that's a separate but equal issue).

Spending so much time holed away in a small office with hours straight of minimal contact, it can cause a skew in one's social vision. Here I am, with my tall, deceptively dangerous-looking testing machine and an extremely myopic Internet connection as my only companions, slowly descending into a paranoid fantasy of being fired at the slightest mistake, fueled by my inherent perceived inadequacies, [lack-of-] gumption-based lethargy, and a traumatic recent job history. It's enough to send anyone up to the clock tower.

But if there's one thing that this company that I'm working for has, it's some timing. Just when I'm reaching a valley of worry, along comes one of the managerial folk, popping into my cave to tell me via current work acts that I'm doing a good job and that I'm to be used in other unnamed but potentially upward aspects of the company in the semi-near future. You don't know how heavily these kinds of things sit on you until they're taken off, or at least lightened.

And I could use some unburdening. The things that fall somewhere between 'want to do' and 'need to do' keep piling up around me, and the stress level sum is far beyond the contribution of its parts, especially when one thing I can't get around to doing prevents me from getting to another thing or two or three that I want/need to be doing, and those things fall higher on the priority list so those below it are even more neglected, and the items way down on the bottom of the list, the things I want to do for myself and only for myself, lie somewhere beyond the horizon, unseen. I know that I'm certainly not alone in this dilemma, but that doesn't make it right or make me feel any better about it. in fact it makes me angry, that so many people live this way, trying to get through a list of manufactured tasks that always seems to grow longer instead of shorter, burying people in their 'quiet desperation'.

And I know the cure, though making time for that seems even more impossible: 1) Stop Everything. 2) List Everything. 3) Prioritize Everything. 4) Whittle Away At List. The hardest part may seem like item number one, stop everything. But that can be easy, if you try not to let the consequences overwhelm you, or mentally plan ahead so that the reorganization process takes a minimum of time. The real hard part is on the prioritization. Just because something is important, doesn't mean it needs to go first. In a logjam, the biggest timber isn't necessarily what's causing the jam, though it certainly is feeding it. Sometimes it's one little thing that prevents one other thing, which prevents three things, which prevents ten things... you get the picture. Move that one thing, and everything else after moves naturally and swiftly into place, which makes more time for other things. But if you don't have the time, and you're stressed out and not seeing things clearly, you won't see where the real sticking point is, and instead you'll be hacking in futility at the myriad symptoms rather than the cause, making more stress for yourself in the process. I guess you could call this preventive maintenance.

Saying that, suddenly I have visions of forms and documents dancing through my head, bins and files and worksheets and progress charts and calendars, all based around the daily-grind workings of my life. It gives me the willies, but at the same time, the idea seems like a savior. Just setting my dreary day-to-day into a set system that I afterward no longer think about, then it frees the mind for other things.

It's just an idea. I don't really plan on filling a binder with procedures or anything. But making a layout for getting things done in a sequence that makes sense and that makes the process smoother and more efficient - to the end result of making more sittin' around time and whatnot - has its appeal. Finding a system that works for me and is also tolerable for everyone else around me is going to be something of a trick, though. And little ones like their own schedules, not other peoples'. But that'll be taken into account. Hopefully. Maybe. If I ever have time to implement the system. And set it up. And stick to it. Unscheduled planetary alignments may be more possible than this.

Meanwhile, there's a Socrates this weekend, an opportunity for some much-needed social interaction. Considering I just finished Zen today, here's hoping that I can manage to unscramble my brain enough to get out a meaningful conversation or two.

-- End Transmission --