An Octopus On My Head
2006-03-02, 14:28

I do still live, post sleep study. Really, it should be renamed People Watch Me As I Make An Uncomfortable Attempt At Sleep. Tell me how well you'd sleep in a Motel 6-quality bed, with a total of about 14 wires glued to you head, chest and legs, and knowing you're being videotaped? Try putting al that out of your head and making like you normally sleep. Nighty-night!

Really, it wasn't all that terrible an experience. Yes, the wiring wasn't comfortable and made it hard to lie in a comfortable position and not worry about dislodging a sensor, which causes one of the attendants to come quietly in and replace it (as a result of this experience, I now wish someday to have an attendant at the ready while I sleep every night; never turn off the TV or get your own glass of water ever again!). The room itself was nice and quiet and dark, though way too dry, and the attendants were nice enough, and I think appreciative of how go-with-the-flow about it I was. I wasn't feeling very chatty when I got up, strangely enough; I was already thinking forward into the coming day and worrying about getting home with enough time to get myself ready.

Though my sleep was fitful, I did sleep, because I remember a few dreams I had. Two of them involved removing the sensors. The first I pulled them all off myself, and then started wandering around the office; apparently there's supposed to be a nursing center for the mentally and physically handicapped at the other end of the hall. In the second dream, the grey-haired guy on American Idol (which I'd watched before going to bed), who was dressed like a hospital worker, pulled off most of my sensors, but not all of them apparently, because I walked out into the hall again to look at the monitors displaying my brainwaves and heart rate and such. Then I started trying do tricks with the readouts, like making shapes and patterns, by modifying my brain activity. The attendants were, of course, impressed with my mental control.

The third dream I remember involved my looking at an internet porn model's site online - this was in the sleep lab room, still - and for some unknown reason the web pages were printing themselves on the bed sheets. I kept pulling back the covers to reveal more web pages. Don't ask me man - I just dream this stuff.

I had very little time to get ready after getting home, so I still have on my scalp some of the glue goop they used to keep the EEG sensors in place. It's kind of like modeling clay or the tacky stuff you use to put posters up. Certainly, a nice thing to get to carry around with you.

And now, a meme:

the Wit (57% dark, 34% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 66% on darkness You scored higher than 19% on spontaneity You scored higher than 24% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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