Sleepy Time
2006-03-01,

Tonight's the big night - I go in for my sleep study. I get to have somebody watch me snore like the dickens for eight hours while I've got wires strapped to me. At least I'll have Freddy Bear to keep me company. The doc said I could bring my own pillow and whatever else I need to keep me comfortable (within reason, of course), and I aim to just that, dang it.

I'm both looking forward and dreading this evening at the same time. I'm hoping to not psych myself out about being watched while sleeping. I've learned to some degree to be defiant of my self-conscious nature and so some things in spite of myself, so let's hope this falls into that category. Because as much as I dread the potential cures to my apnea, I really want this to be an accurate depiction of my sleep, so that something can finally be done about it. One of the sheets of paperwork they had me fill out asked, "How long had you had this problem?" and I had to think about it. What I wrote down was 20 years, hearkening back to mid high school. But really, I may have had it to some degree maybe since I was 6 or 7: I remember vividly incurring my dad's passing verbal wrath once for what one could sum up as me breathing too loudly (Querying my Little Dad that I carry with me, I reckon he must've been having a bad day and that my substandard breathing volume control was just a stick on the fire.)

But really - what would my life have been like if this had been caught back then, even in high school? I think back to all those sleepy mornings, when I didn't really feel like I was awake and 100 percent aware until about 3rd period, and wonder how much better I could have done in school, in a whole lot of things back then. I wouldn't have bummed my way out of the advanced classes and been stuck, bored, in the 'regular' classes. A good portion of my high school career was spent in a haze, and not because of drugs, unfortunately. Between my apparent apnea and a total lack of parental guidance due to a missing post-divorce father and a too-busy-making-ends-meet mother, it's a wonder I managed to get through those four years with a C average.

Okay, I think that's enough lamenting the past for one day. Suffice to say, that I'll fill you in on the goings on of the sleep study tomorrow.

Someone who's forgotten how to sleep the past few days is the baby. Her emerging molars have waged an all-out assault on our poor child. The discomfort then keeps her from relaxing, which keeps her from falling asleep, thus, she's screaming herself hoarse fighting sleep until the exhaustion overcomes her and she all but passes out. It's really painful to watch her go through this, on the ears and on the heart. There's only so much we can do for her except dose her with medicine and try and comfort her the best we can. I knew that our adoption of this wonderful girl couldn't be problem-free forever; I just wish that it didn't cause her pain. I'll take Terrible Twos over this, hands down. (Of course, I say that now, but...)

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