Today's a marker in my book: one year since being hired full time here at Workplace, Inc. It's another lens to look through, along with New Year's, back toward the year that has been. Holy crap and sakes alive, but 2005 did a number on me and mine, both good and not so good. I'm not sure that there was an emotion on the list that I didn't feel at some point over the course. Here's a nice list from Wikipedia:
Acceptance - reluctantly
Amusement - I wouldn't have survived the year without it
Anger - try Fury
Anticipation - try waitin' for a new baby
Apprehension - soaking in a whole country in two weeks is not easy
Awe - big time
Bitterness - just a tad
Boredom - hmm... I'll have to say no to this one
Calmness - only in tiny moments, like meditating in a Buddhist temple
Comfort - Shangri La: nuff said
Contentment - don't think so
Confidence - yeah, right
Cool - it's a necessity sometimes for comedic timing, but otherwise I'm terrible at it
Courage - some would say yes, and I would not be one of those people
Elation - baby!
Embarrassment - if I get through a year without embarrassment, I'll eat my shoe
Envy - maybe of my friend's stereo, that's about it
Gratitude - ten times over
Grief - yes; reasons to be disclosed at a future date
Guilt - among other things, adoptive guilt
Glee - all three kids in my life have reason to make me feel this way
Gladness - must have, but the specifics escape me
Hate - I'm not touching this one
Happiness - few and far between
Honor - to get the opportunity to adopt from China and see it first hand
Hope - maybe once, long past; maybe twice, because what else is there?
Humility - for certain
Joy - felt in spite of outside influences
Jealousy - don't think so
Kindness - was hard to come by, in general
Loneliness - ...yes
Love - always
Lust - when we weren't too tired
Modesty - probably; it's second nature, in some ways
Nervousness - many times
Negativity - far to often for anyone's benefit
Pain - deep in the heart
Patience - surely I must have once this year? maybe?
Peace - see Calmness
Phobia - no
Pity - for the birthparents; and for Buddy, who got sick the last day
Pride - how could I not, of my beautiful, loving, genius little girl? how could I not, of the boy who's analyzing the finer points of comedy at eight years old? how could I not, of the girl who has chosen by force of will alone to grow in the face of despair and adversity, instead of self-destruct? how could I not, of a brother who's chosen to take a moderate and temperate voice in the Christian world? how could I not, of a wife who still stands in defense of her children after so much pain, frustration, confusion and anguish?
Rage - like I never thought was possible
Remorse - not as such
Repentance - oh but I want to try
Sadness - like I never though was possible
Shame - see embarrassment
Shyness - every day
Sorrow - same as sadness?
Shock - ohthephonecall
Suffering - yes; reasons to be disclosed at a future date
Surprise - surely something must've surprised me at some point
Terror - maybe not
Unhappiness - seems a way of life for me, sometimes
Vulnerability - definitely
Wonderment - for sure
Worry - like you wouldn't believe
So all but five, on this, an, I would guess, incomplete list. Quite the roller coaster, I assure you. Oy. Here's for hoping that this upcoming year will take a turn for the sane. Then again, the Year of the Dog is supposed to be a crappy one for me, if I were to hold to Chinese tradition. Or is it? Time will tell. Or not.
