You Got Your Yin In My Yang
2005-06-30,

Apparently, I've chosen for this day to feel angry and upset, and at I don't even know what. I think I'm just emotionally overwhelmed, and I know I'm just plain ol' exhausted. Everything that's been happening over the last year is just swirling around inside my head with abandon, and I tell you it no feel a-no good.

More than anything, I think, is thinking about how much I'm going to miss the kids. Leaving them is going to be so very hard. I dread it, and thinking about it makes me miss them already. I know that we'll be able to talk to them occasionally, and we can email like crazy, but it's not the same. I can only imagine what it's going to be like for H. I've been keeping myself busy with work and worrying about the basement bedroom, so I've had the luxury of keeping myself distracted. While H has been busy as well - likely busier, with all the things and situations she's juggling - it's been all about the stressors themselves. All in all, I think she's been handling things amazingly, certainly better than I would have done. I guess all those years handling her absent-minded-professor-style boss have trained her well. I know that in some ways I've failed her tremendously, as I'm apt to do, I try not to let it eat me up, because that's not productive and just makes things worse. I tell you, guilt sure is a pain in the ass. No wonder religion still exists-- people don't have the time to beat themselves up for their wrongdoings, so they squeeze it into a couple hours a week on Saturday or Sunday. I can see the appeal (not that I'll ever be interested).

Speaking of religion, apparently we're going to be headed, when we go to Jiangxi, into the homeland of Taoism. I'm quite excited about the prospect. There's a lot about Taoism with which I agree. We'll be a stone's throw (in a world sense) from Dragon Tiger Mountain, the purported actual birthplace of the practice/philosophy, and the Taoist 'pope' lives in the area. How cool is that? It's most likely that we won't be able to go there (to the mountain), and I should just accept that. But one never knows. There must be massive amounts of chi there. I just wish I could go and dip my ladle of consciousness and grab myself a cup (assuming one can even get past the tourist trap section to the real thing). I'm hoping that this trip will be the spark that finally gets me started on Tai Chi. I've wanted to do it for many years, but the planets in my head never did align on the subject. Here's hoping. Eastern philosophy may never explain the Why, but it might make for a better How, Who and What.

The first half of the workday and lunch have both passed, and I'm feeling somewhat better. Having to focus my mind on something other than the above has helped. So has the caffeine. I've been taking pictures for work instructions in the laundry and dyeing area. Thrilling stuff, I tell you. At least the people working back there are nice. Interesting area, the plant. It's like a little social experiment involving multiple cultures. Italian, Eastern European, various Asian, all trying to deal with material half of which is written in German. It's pretty crazy, and makes me wonder how there aren't more misunderstandings between employees. Meanwhile I've been interacting with the new ISO advisor that the company hired a few weeks ago, and I'm starting to recall the days of Audit Doublespeak from my Quality department days. And the fact that office politics occur wherever you go, just in different degrees. It's never fun to have to tiptoe around other peoples' egos and predispositions, and I'm glad I'm not in charge of that process. I get to play Good Cop, saying on the sly how the ISO guy is so crazy and demanding when all he really needed was this or that, and I get the info I need while looking like a saint for being so nice about it. Works for me.

-- End Transmission --