Superpowers Revealed
2004-01-23,

Okay, so it was two days, not one. Life happens.

My Super Power:

Actually, I have two. My first and foremost power would be the Power of Perspective. You know how, when you close one eye, you can pretend grasp things between your index finger and thumb things that would normally be too large to grasp? Remember the �crush your head� guy from Kids Inn The Hall? That kind of thing. Well, I�d like that ability to become manifest, so that things I pick up with one eye closed suddenly become that size and re-become whatever size I deem relative to its placement on the perspective horizon. For example, I could, say, stand on a hill looking at the Cleveland skyline, close one eye, grab the Terminal Tower - which would now be about the size of a multivitamin - and then, eye still closed, place it down again perspectively about 10 feet away from me, which would reduce the once-hulking building to about the size of a brick; an awesome yet somewhat pointless power, to be sure. I could knock over entire cities with a sweep of my hand. Not that I�d want to. It would come in really handy when you want to store a lot of small stuff in a large place, though. And after you park your car, you could walk for a bit, pick it up and put it in your pocket for safekeeping. Christmas shopping would be a breeze.

Oh, my other power? It would be the ability to, at will, make everyone within 50 yards of me have the urge to go to the bathroom really badly. I figure it would help clear up busy highways when I�m in a hurry.

H�s Super Power:

Hers is the power of Busywork Montage: the ability to get difficult tasks completed in the span of a cheesy 80�s synth-pop tune. Not sure what I mean? Take, for example, a scene from the classic John Cusack film, Better Off Dead. Our protagonist, Lane Myer, and the cute French girl Monique manage to rework a muscle car from the ground up, complete with detailing, all in the span of �Get to Know You Well� by Howard Jones. Fun and accomplishment in only four minutes!

There are requirements during the montage, of course:

• something has to break;
• someone has to have something dirty/gooey squirted/dripped on them; and
• all participants must walk off happily at the end, preferably either arm-in-arm or riding in the completed item, if it�s a vehicle.

So there you have it. As I got only one response so far at time of writing, I�m going to assume that you, my faithful readers, couldn�t give a damn about Super Powers. I will, however and of course and with great happiness, still accept responses at any time.

-- End Transmission --