Holiday Leapfrogging
2003-11-25, 9:05 a.m.

Here I am, once again, staring at the empty Add an Entry window, unable to muster the metal fervor to complete an entry. Not that I have nothing to say; it's just that the little window that lets the thughts out of the house that is my brain is not currently open, to they're all collecting like condensation on the glass-- and, frankly, ruining the wood of the sill. I really must double-pane my thought window.

Anyway, we are N' Sink-ed. It seems monstrous, cavernous, just plain ol' downright huge. It's all shiny and new. It makes me want to do dishes. I'm sure the feeling will pass soon enough.

H's bubble burst last night, and I can hardly blame her. She is crazygonuts, between her increasingly overloaded job at the psych office and coming home to command two kids and me still not around to help. I hadn't realised how much my ability to sympathize with her plight had decreased, what with all my bitching an whining about my own situation. I think it was partially caused by my disconnectedness, kind of like learning about it on TV rather than seeing it live and in person. That and my depressive insulation had made me insensitive to her situation, or at least dampened my sense of it. I certainly knew she was stressing, but I don't think I was sensing the degree. Well, I certainly know now. And that's a good thing. We once again managed to get all our feelings and issues out without resorting to yelling or spewing spite-filled rhetoric. It still amazes me how well we manage to manage our relationship, even when we hardly see each other during the week. Maybe this whole marriage thing will work out, after all.

We went caroling in the Square on Sunday. Yes, caroling a week before Thanksgiving. I was sorta kinda roped into it, in a way. Every year in Medina is the Candlelight Walk, basically the lighting ceremony for the historical part of town. But just the idea of all this while basically skipping over Turkey Day just really got my Stubbornness Machine really humming. It had been kicked on the day after Halloween, when we went shopping Fairlawn (see Buying the Bear), and the whole area was already decorated for Xmas.

Anyway, the caroling event reminded me of how much an (unjustifiably) arrogant prick I can be sometimes, even if I keep it to myself. The whole time we were out, I couldn't help feeling like I was 'slumming'. I know it's wrong and unjustified, but there it is. One of the things about myself that I can take solid pride in is my voice, though my anti-social nature keeps me from throwing it around like a whore (oh, the chicks I could have gotten in high school if I'd been more of a singing whore...). I think mainly the problem was that there was no practise involved. It was just throw on some cheesy Victorian duds borrowed from the local theatre company and start bellowing. How can one sing in public without prep? This isn't karaoke, people! Anyway, we still did it, and it was... okay. At least we got some free tea and a scone from one of the local pretentious teahouses. Naturally I felt like I was carrying the group (though H was holding up her alto nicely, I noticed). I don't think there would have been any discernable harmony had we not been there.

Enough bitching, time to go to the grocery store. That is if the phone ever stops ringing.

-- End Transmission --