Time is a Thief
2005-04-28,

"Time is a thief, and the first thing it steals is your sense of humor."

-- from Steven King's The Dark Tower

How painfully true is that? Even for me, someone who has made a point of trying not to grow up, and here, I find myself a complete grown up - for the time being, at least.

And how do I know this? Well, I've recently been familiarizing myself with information on the malady known in medical journal circles as AGUS - Acute Grown Up Syndrome.

Symptoms:

• humorlessness
• constant worrying over domestic matters
• constant worrying over politics
• general curmudgeon-like disposition
• lack of spontaneity and/or creativity
• keeps a budget
• actually tries to keep finances within budget
• bleeding from the eyes

Causes:

• progressing age
• stress
• financial obligations
• taking on multiple important tasks at one time
• parenthood
• sharp objects entering ocular cavities

Upon mentioning the concept of ocular cavities, I have suddenly become uncomfortably aware of my own skeleton. In my head, I'm picturing the positions of all my bones, moving them in my head as they move. It�s really quite disconcerting. It reminds m of the time when I was oh, four or five years old, and there was some sort of event at my elementary school during the day because my mom was there with me, we were entering the school and, being an old school, the front double doors had one of those bolt latches where the slidey rods on each door came down to a two-plated thingy on the floor that was slightly elevated to keep the doors from going either in or out, and my mom tripped on the stairs or something on the front landing and she landed knee-first on the plate thingy. I remember, as she was sitting on the stairs waiting for transport to the hospital, that I could see bone. I assure you, there's never a good time in life to see exposed bone matter in one of your parents.

I think they changed the type of lock they used after that. Thinking back, I can't imagine why it is that we didn't sue the school. Maybe we did and just got medical bills and missing pay covered. Knowing my family's history, we most likely missed an opportunity to make some money there.

And if there were anything that could have sent me spinning downward faster in the mental spiral I was going in (see above), it was one of the head bosses poking her head in to my office and saying, "We'll be doing your 90-day review in a few minutes." Immediately was I launched into the chest-tightening, self-doubting miasma that is my self-esteem. Was I spending too much time on the internet during tests? Was I not busy enough? Did I make a fool of myself in Germany? Oh god, one of the IT guys is going to be in the meeting-- they're going to yell at me for too much internet! OhMyGodIt'sAlmostMaySoI'mGonnaGetFired AAAAAHHHHH. Surely they had postponed my 90-day until almost the end of the month because it would be easier to fire me at the end of the month rather than in the middle. Goddamn you, Month of May!

Okay-- deep breath.

Then the actual meeting happened. Near stellar performance. I got a slight raise, starting with the paycheck I'm getting tomorrow. They want to give me more responsibility. Everyone I've been working with has had nothing but good things to say. I'm even considered to have a positive attitude toward my work! Me! Go figure.

If I'm not careful, I might get my hopes up. Not a good thing, with May coming. It's all I can hope for just to lay low and keep damage to a minimum.

Hard hats and elbow pads: activate.

-- End Transmission --